


Infinity

by HideawayB3



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:50:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6382813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HideawayB3/pseuds/HideawayB3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The whole premise of this short story is based off of the Song Infinity by Niykee Heaton.  It's the Illenium Remix and based on all words I had this intense urge to write it and it actually feels painful to breathe right now because I really went in, but had I gone any deeper, I don't think I would have come out okay on the other side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infinity

Infinity

 

She was always told that you hurt the ones you love the most. And everyone who ever told her that was right. It was funny how she never gave a damn about them and never hurt them, but everyone she ever lay with, ended up walking away from her or running away from her brazen attitude. Yet, she still pushed to find someone to not only love, but someone to hurt. She intentionally searched for someone to love her and hurt her just the same.. For all her fucked up ways, she wanted someone just as fucked up as her to exist, not just in her world, but in her mind. It was because she thrived off of the chaos it brought. She thrived off the negative aspects it brought. She thrived off knowing it was killing them both quicker each day every single time they came to verbal and even sometimes- physical burns.

When she found that person, blonde hair, green eyes and absolutely no control, she was immediately smitten with the fresh blood she tasted. It was like sex, every single time. Without fail she would become carnal as she created new ways to aggravate her prey. Without fail her carnal instincts would become those of the prey when her partner finally snapped back and roared. She loved it. She laughed sadistically at the nature of it. Like licking the blade of a poison dipped knife, she plunged it into both of them over and over and over again.  The blonde, herself, reveled in it and like a drug induced cultist, she danced in it at night. She basked in it. She basked in the nature of destruction. Controlled destruction that sat amongst them, daily. It always sparked something. It also forced a vein to protrude, blood pressure to spike, valves to widen, blood pressure to increase its flow and a glint of that mind numbing anger to billow out through the heavy breaths of threat.

 

It happens like this every single time. They fight. They fight and it’s nothing short of explosive.

There’s yelling.

There’s screaming.

There’s shouting.

There’s physical attacks and then there’s the comedown.

There’s the makeup to the makeout and the making love, but it’s all angry.. until it’s not.

 

_ I wanna walk to the edge of the earth, scream your name _

_ Till the fire's gone from my lungs _

 

It’s angry when it comes out. It’s painful and it burns. There’s tears as she stands, hovering over the cliff’s edge, screaming her heart out. Her foot slips intentionally as she kicks up the stray rocks that tutter and tip over the edge of the mound she stands so surely over. She wishes she could holler louder. Holler until she’s so screamed out she falls and she falls into those words she’s screamed. She wants the painful burn that exists from screaming to just dissipate because this isn’t what she thought it would be. But this is what she wanted. This is what she searched so hard for, and now she wishes to rid herself of it. She wishes to expel it from her like the demon she created. But it remains. It never leaves and she’s never free of the burn. She never frees herself of the burn because her tears remind her she’s human and the Karma that comes around to give us our just desserts will dwell with her until she breaks entirely.

 

_ I wanna drink till I don’t feel the urge to run back to you and lay it down _

_ Make me yours _

  
  


The blonde tilts another shot glass back and forth on the lacquered counter. It’s her tenth? Shot, but she’s so lost in her mind that she’s lost count, not that she intended to keep it anyway. She orders more and knocks them back one right after the other, her body so used to it’s cheap tricks that the thrill of it have worn themselves thin in her system. She has the impulse to just pick up the phone and call, but she can’t. She won’t. She shouldn’t.. She wouldn’t. She wishes sometimes to just lay all the cards out there and make an offer. Hit her, or Fold. Fucking hit her.. Or fold. HIT. HER. She wants to be hit. She needs to get the hit. She wants to be a full house. In the house is where she wants to be. Badly. She wants the disintegration of her system to only feel it from their destructive war paths. Fucking each other up mentally and physically. All sound mind- gone. She wants to be mentally unsound, unnerved. She wants the twitch it gives her when she’s a nanosecond from snapping and thrusting the woman into something, ember burning in her eyes to fuck her beyond all bounds of this constant fucking game of catchup. She’s tired of feeling fucked and not being fucked. She wants to be fucked and then fucked over.

  
  


_ I can still feel your breath all over me, filling me _

_ I could fuck with you for eternity, infinity _

  
  


The rapping at the door promps her to answer it with a growl that burns low in her throat. The moment she cracks it, it’s pushed with a force she recognizes all too well before a body is up against her, taking her face in their hands and green eyes burning into her own dark brown ones. It’s that moment where both sets of pupils dilate and they’re a hair’s breath apart. A hot breath ghosts past her lips in a split second and then lips just barely touch her throat. The spark, it’s enough to jolt through her system before her face is shoved away and the body stands before her, heaving, frustrated, wanting, aggravated, sexually needing. Broken. Much like her, the body before her is broken. She’s managed to do what she’s set out and now she sees the reason the pain that burns when she screams her name just. won’t . go. away. The green glimmer in those eyes is nothing but a large enough facade that it engulfs all broken pieces and puts before her, a morphed version of their ugly fucking truth. She steps forward, that sadistic smile on her face once more, but it lacks its usual finesse. It lacks its usual intent. It lacks VENOM. The smile fades as she closes the gap and there it is once again. The breath of many flutterby moments. It’s so close and yet still it’s still just there. Messing with her mind. It was something she indulged in, but now- NOW, she just wanted it to fucking stop drifting across her skin when she sleeps. She wants to stop feeling its safety when she lays down in bed alone most nights after they make up and that exact breath is against the back column of her neck. They had to stop- she said one night. They couldn’t keep doing it- she’d continued. They were hurting one another- she argued, but all received the same answer. So what?  _ So what? _ It hit like a fucking freight.

 

_ Turn all the lights on, I could be your lover _

_ I could be the one for you and no one else at all _

  
  
  


This is the reason she came. She wanted more. She wanted more than just the fucking destruction and she knew it. In her mind she knew it, but why admit it when dancing with the devil was so much more fun? She wanted to be more than a loved nuisance. She wanted to be more than the noose. She wanted to be hung by the noose if that meant being the choice. She wanted to feel the decapitation when she could be free of  not being the choice. She wanted to be the one choice. The one and only choice. And that’s why she was there, knocking through a door and nearly, just nearly taking it all in its entirety and making it her. Making  _ her _ , hers.

 

_ So how long will it be till you see how bad I need this _

_ I’ll give you all, if you please, never leave, I need to keep it _

  
  
  


It’s for them both. These words of discord. These situations. These intended bouts of pain. Everything. Everything was and is for them. It’s something they require because they hurt internally and hurt externally. They want it and desire it to hide in it.

  
  


_ So how long will it be till you see how bad I need this _

_ I’ll give you all, if you please, never leave, I need to keep it _

  
  


What they find that they need more than anything, is an answer. Both women search themselves and each other in another moment of eye contact for an answer. They search for nothing short of a perfect answer. Something that tells them to stay. Something that tells them to go. Something that tells them this yoyoing of estranged love is okay. The tandem count of hearts dying with each breath they breathe, each claim of eternal dominance and destruction of a future. Each claim. Each-

  
  


_ I could fuck with you for infinity _

  
  


They’ll do it forever if that’s what it takes.

 

_ I wish I never touched no one before _

_ I envy the hearts that you’ve adored, who you’ve loved _

_ Don’t wanna fight so let’s settle the score _

_ Tear me apart, but don’t let go _

  
  


They’ve fallen into bed once again. Somehow, and neither knows how. Neither remembers how, but both understand it didn’t result in a fight. Both can feel a breath of air so clean it hurts. They understand that for once, they didn’t rely on the destruction. They didn’t rely on cheap blows that hit below the belt. They fell into bliss for a blind few hours of passion. They stripped one another of clothes, of emotions, of feelings, of scars, or protection, of fear and of pent up sexual frustration. They dug into one another’s souls via kissing. Columns on throats with bite marks and bruises and hickeys. A slight choke to reveal and protruding vein or a denial of climax on behalf of two skilled fingers. Backs are marred from nails, dragging their way down and leaving deep impressions and blood oozes from their capillaries and spring forth in a bright burst of colour. Bodies are heaving and sweating and sated as they limply lay there and stare blankly into the ceiling. There’s silence. There’s always silence and it angers no one.

 

Oh how they both with to be the ones the other loves. And yet, they cannot. Not because of anything other than their innate nature to harm. To hurt then fuck it away. But you can’t hurt and fuck it away. You can’t hurt and love the ones you always damage. She’s learned that. She’s learned it because she knows- you always hurt the ones you love the most.

  
  


_ I can still feel your breath all over me, filling me _

_ I could fuck with you for eternity, infinity _

  
  


Sadly, it’s like a bad dream and she’s jolted awake by the bar owner who tells her she needs to go home. She needs to go and sleep it off, but he knows she won’t. He knows she’ll just find another bar to go to because that’s her thing. She’s going to drink it away. She’s always going to drink it away because in all honesty- she did get hurt. She was the one who got hurt in the end. She was the loved one who was hurt the most.

  
  


_ Tell me that I’m crazy, tell me I’m wrong _

_ I will be your baby, even when you’re gone _

_ Cause I don’t want a day that I don’t feel you at all _

_ I’ll be standing here when you call _

  
  


She’s on the Cliff’s edge again. Screaming because she can still feel it on her. Haunting her. Ghosting its way across her frame and causing her to shake. She screams into the nether. She screams and she screams because it fucks with her and it’s bringing that sadistic thrill into her mind as she kicks up those small rocks. Those small pebbles. Small, just like her. She wants to die. She wants to and she’s going to because she inhales and the breath is still there. It’s blowing her, slowly tipping her closer and closer over the edge. She shuts her eyes and holds her hands out. She’s stretched like a crucifix and she’s ready to feel her resurrection. She’s knows it’s insane, but she’s going to float and she’s going to do it because this air, that breath is should remain. It should ghost across the blonde’s body, to remember her. She her eyes water and she cries and she screams one last time. She screams the woman’s name one more time before she’s leaning forward and she feels the air rushing at her face and she’s falling. She’s falling hard and she’s falling fast and when she falls… she’s caught. She’s not caught by something. She’s caught by someone and then the arms cradle her and she breaks. She breaks like poorly tempered glass. Jagged and in a million odd pieces. 

She’s crazy and she knows it, but the arms holding her.. They’re crazy too. She’s destructive and she knows it, but the arms holding her are destructive too. She’s broken and she’s a mess, but the arms holding her are just the same. And she’s in love. For the first time, she’s looked past her own detriment and self destruction and realized she’s in love and the arms wrapped around her, holding on to her because she was a silly girl, a silly, silly girl who feel hard and fell fast… they’re in love with her as well.

 

_ I could fuck with you for infinity. _


End file.
